I am a label reader...a box browser…a packaging peruser…I scan my eye over every word on every product I buy. (pity I can't pay that much attention to the men I met…I might find something of higher quality…Hmmmm, but I digress…)

My reasons for this attention to packaging is simple are simple.

I want to know stuff...and...I'm too busy (substitute lazy here if you wish) to research myself and I want the 'experts' to tell me stuff about the product they are so very keen for me to buy.

Now I figure this is the same with wine - YOU (the winemaker) produced something you think is special and you hope that I (the consumer) might want to give it a whirl.

It makes sense to me then, that you will tell me why you made it and what makes it special/different from any other bottle I can pick up from my local suburban bottle-o. You will also tell me how best to use it and what benefits this product has for me.

Sure, add some info on the label for the more informed among us, but also try to remember, the suburban housewife drinks wine too. While we are TRYING our best to become more "vino-cultural" (new word - do you like it?), "lifted leafy fruits' doesn't mean jack to Ms Josephine Average-wine-drinker-who-wants-to-learn-more-but-can't-afford-the-time-money-or liver-damage to conduct her own research!

No matter how much I let the wine breathe, decant it, swish it, swirl it, close my eyes, rinse my palate, etc I will never ever taste...."lifted leafy fruits". Fruits are just not leafy...leaves are leafy...fruits....are....well FRUITY! I can relate to blackcurrants or plums, strawberries and gooseberries, herb, pepper, citrus, but 'lifted leafy fruits'.....nope...nothing doing.

If you're going to sell your wine at my suburban wine seller, then better you describe it in terms that me and the rest of suburbia can relate to. How about these....

...freshly mown backyard, with a hint of ULP...

...wet dog chasing fallen plums...

...airing laundry with an aftertaste of ironing aid...

...toast and vegemite...with mandarin yoghurt...

Forgive me for my common-ness, but I'm never going to buy a wine that promises a nose of 'sweaty saddle'...although I am sure there are some that will.

Seems to me that the wine marketers are doing themselves a disservice by making it all a bit too 'elitist' for the average drinker. The person who just likes wine and want something that tastes good with their lamb shanks and garlic mash.

Wine is scary.

Turning up to dinner with friends when you KNOW they're really 'into' wine is positively horrendous for the average person. You go to your local retailer, pick a bottle you 'think' is ok, or that "costs more so it must be better…right?" just because you want to impress. I know I've been stuck with swill you wouldn't pour on your pot plants from time to time....

However, I have at least foundered a solution to the last problem...

I'll cook - YOU Bring the wine...OK?